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feeling so sleepy that i planned to sleep at 11pm
really a huge record for me...it has been months or almost a year I did not sleep so early i think
wanted to drink some water before i go into bed, just to realize i had finish the water in my water bottle, and there is no boiled water left in the kettle
unbelievable...not even a single drop
devastated, can do nothing but to wait for the water to boil and spending my time crapping here as my eye lids are so heavy to read books or journals
definitely an unproductive day for me today, cannot recall any productive work I had done in moving towards my goals
anyway, i still felt exhausted after coming home, no nap today really makes a huge difference for me
if you are still reading all these crap, i bet u really concern about me...haha

talked about personality change today with friend today
i guess people do change across our lifespan
growing older, should say more mature, we definitely have become somewhat different than we used to be
perceived things in more different perspective
though i admit that i am still bias in some way
i am human after all. I cannot stay objective most of the time
but I do remind myself to put my shoes in others, to see from other perspectives
feel like I am citing from a counseling textbook..haha
too much crisis intervention class i think

I have become...hmmm
more independent perhaps? more confident? more realistic as well as I am now closer to the real society world already
cannot imagine the fact that I will be working soon, how am I gonna deal with all those office politics with my so straight-forward (stupid?) talking behavior
I think I will accidentally offended my superior without even noticing what I had done...Lol
do not dare to imagine what kind of chaos I will create...haha
should have work harder on my socializing skill I think
I can crap like nobody business with close friends but feel speechless with new people
well I know I can somehow find some very dull topics to start with but I am usually not in mood to do so
I do not know what to crap with my supervisor...haha
I just went in...brief him my idea, saw his astonished face which I now recalled I felt very funny
and walked out with more tasks to do...haha
whole session took me like 40minutes or lesser, half the time my friends used...lol
I do not hope he has too high expectation for me...cause it will pressure me
I will do my things the way i want it , with some push from external source will then be sufficient

reminded me of the book I read the other day, the main character has Asperger
Aspergers usually are slightly impaired in social interaction, they cannot read facial and body expression well to make sense of someone's emotions and feelings, making them seem to be very cold and aloof
the guy in the book do not understand that why so-called normal human beings like to ask questions that they obviously not interested with the answers...for example: have you taken your dinner? (when seeing a neighbor passing by)
haha...I have the same feelings as he do
sometimes, we are not interested at all with what we are talking, we are just socializing in this world to make us look more friendly and sociable
the world in Asperger is much more simpler than most of the "normal" human being in the world
they do not wear masks to deal with this world because they would not know how to do so, rules are all that matters.....in a way, they are acting more true to themselves
sometimes I think i can live well in such world
omg...am I developing schizoid personality?
very paranoid recently...keep diagnosis these disorders that disorders due to my abnormal psy subject
even a kid in the bus I met I suspected that he had ADHD
which really sounds so....he had been talking nonstop and keep moving his body in the bus, should said before we even embark on the bus

ok....crappy
time to sleep :)