secret

back to english again my blog...is faster this way...haha

rotting at home made me think of many things..actually mostly some nonsense things.

The more i think about them, the deeper i went into the questions, the more i feel all this are rather troublesome and annoying. Human being's mind and emotion get more complicated when we are growing older and older. As i always love to observe people and asking myself why they behave in such ways, which in psychology we call this making attribution. Since i am having my semester break and relaxing, doing nothing at home, so my targets of observation had changed to my family and my hometown friends who i meet once in a while during yumcha session. In the end, i found that i am reflecting my own thoughts and behavior the most and found myself to be quite a conflicting people.

Many issues came across my mind, such as my future prospect, how to earn my bread and at the same time enjoying jobs i am working with, is it a must to get into a relationship? I find it kinda annoying as people always ask about all this.I know that some people really want to know me better and care about me, but i am somehow quite exhausted answering all these questions.
Well, what can i only said is, i will work out my best to enjoy my future career life and as for relationship thingy, just let it be as destined by God's will and serendipity. Despite the fact that i am not religious but i believe the existence of God! Not trying to be secretive as i am never that kind of girl, in fact all my little little secrets are known by my close friends or families, but none of them know every secret i have of course. Is rather creepy and scary if there is a person who knows everything about you right? I still want some privacy for my own and i think everybody will agree with this.

So, can i announce that i am 'secretless' now? create new word again. i shall go search for my new secret which will not be known by anyone...haha...too free! Somehow i am very curious about the definition of the word secret. Thus, i had googled it and below is the answer i got from Answers.com:
a secret is a a private peace of information that is not shared. if you tell someone that had nothing to do with the secret it is no longer a secret. if you have a secret it can not be told to anyone that has nothing to do with it. now if you do tell a secret it is a private peace of information now.

In my humble opinion, a secret which we normally told our friend or more than one persons and and ask them not to tell others is no longer a secret anymore as people will just continue the same routine and expect the person they told will not leak a word from their mouths. Therefore, the moment i am willing to speak out things which i viewed as secret to someone, i will no longer deemed it as secret and i will not hold high expectation that s/he will not say a word to another people, either is mutual friends or strangers. Is not that i am not being trusting to my friends, is just that everyone have their own definition for the word 'secret' and sometimes the issue you regard as very important issue maybe just a small matter to others and they do not feel that it will cause any harm to tell someone else. This is just my personal opinion, and that is why i will only choose whether to tell out everything once and for all or just keep it to myself. Normally, i choose to tell! I think that is a better way to just let go rather than suffer myself (i am optimistic deep down i suppose!)

I found that people are really amazing as there will not be the exact same person and thoughts in this world. People who are normally talkative and extrovert when socializing may have even more secrets and more reluctant to tell people about them compared to people who are more introvert and reserved when it comes to social world. The latter may be more willing to reveal their inner feelings to their close friends rather than the formers. Some of my friends fit into this and i think so am I. YES! No doubt i am talking about you! haha....please don't think that i am talking about you although i may sound like that...LOL

Usually, i am quite talkative even though with friends who i am not close with because i dislike awkward condition to take place. Hence, unconsciously or consciously i will normally be more extrovert and sociable. there are friends who are quite alike with me and I discovered that we also share the same conditions that we seldom talk about our inner feelings except with very close friends, depending on the severity of the problem also. May be is because we seems to be optimistic and always crack jokes in front of others, so people are less aware that we are actually not in good mood. It happens quite often to me actually, my close friends can easily sense my bad mood but normal friends would not realize anything.

Is it a disguise? As what Shakespeare said: we are all actors!
We play different roles everyday according to situations, whether we did realized it or not, somehow everyone also has their own masks, to protect them from getting hurt mentally and for the sake of our self-esteem.

Very long-winded today, too much about my own observations and analysis.
Just type out to express my own thoughts, hope that no one will read till here also. feel my inner feeling is quite exposed already....*shy shy*
hahahaha. Many of my friends have private blogs, i am thinking should i do so or not? Shall i made this as private blog? HMMM....actually this blog is quite private already as not many people know about my blog, i do not like to tell people to go read my blog...hahaha